Canada!!!! It's not for girls!

Trick or treat? I made the rookie mistake of picking trick. And who, you might ask is playing a trick on me? Why Canada that's who. Not a bad trick though, but a familiar one. Canada is living up to pretty much all the stereotypes we Europeans would be led to believe and then some.

Also, you might be happy to learn, I finally had a meal that I thoroughly enjoyed. Well hang on, do olives with a dirty Grey Goose martini count as an entree?

Chris arrived and we tried our very best to get lost in Vancouver. You know, just to be all poetic and try to "find ourselves" again, but true to the Canadian stereotype they are just so god damn efficient we were unable. We decided instead to take a leisurely 10km stroll around the beautiful Stanley Park which I was delighted to find had 6 Starbucks on route and yes I stopped in all of them for a Grande Cappuccino.

So, buzzed on caffeine, I chased squirrels around the park, again hoping to catch a decent meal, they are speedy little critters and I discovered 2 things that are immensely disturbing:

1) It's not the damn dirty apes we need to fear taking over the planet. Oh no. Hitchcock had it right all along. It's THE CROWS. Clever Little things, stealing chips from peoples plates as they eat, cracking open mussels by banging them on the ground, swooping down, making the general population feel mildly annoyed and they're not even trying to hide it.

But this is not the most disturbing thing witnessed, no no.

2) The crows squawk with Canadian accents. I swear to God I'm convinced I heard one of them say "kawww, eh!"

To change the subject swiftly because I don't want you to think I've lost my mind, Chris thinks I might have ADHD and he could be on to something, but more to the point, I'd really love a ham and cream cheese bagel right now.

The good news bears also brought a revelation to me yesterday. There are people all over this city that talk to themselves. Not only that, they have full conversation with themselves. Now I'm not saying they're crazy, but I am. To be fair, sometimes I talk to myself but I have the common sense to do it in the privacy of my own brain. Where's the revelation you ask? well, there are plenty of services people who talk to themselves need and that's where I come in. Mam, Dad, you'll be so proud to hear, I'm going to get a job in Starbucks. For talking to yourself is thirsty business and there's money to be made.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!